.. and now deep thoughts by Jack Handy

FROM A NEWSPAPER CONTEST WHERE ENTRANTS AGE 4 TO 15 WERE ASKED TO IMITATE "DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDY":

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. Age 15

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. Age 13

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. Age 8